Its amazing the pressure that society puts on single ladies and newly wed couples. I find it very pointless, so I decided to write about it. It is unnecessarily draining and needs to stop. It really has to.
If a guy that loves you and you love back is ready for the alter when you are 21, by all means, follow him, but since when did marriage have an age tag to it that people start to intently look at you at a certain point in your life? On twitter the other day, someone was pitying a 30 year old lady for not being married. I couldn’t understand it. It’s not like she comes to beg for food from you, or that she’s constantly hounding you for money to buy fuel to put in her generator. So what is it? Ki lo fa pity?
It is ridiculous to the point that churches even have special deliverance programmes for “marital delay” Sigh!!! What does that even mean? If you are 30 and own a car, but no husband, they give you a suspicious “eye”. Even police officers will talk to you with such disrespect seeing that there’s no ring on your finger – heisss, wind down that glass there. Does marriage define how good you are doing for your age? I am confused here.
See I have advice. Probing and poke nosing never stops. Never. Ask even the 80 year olds. So don’t ever feel pressured by anyone. They will pressure you to get married, pressure you to have a kid, pressure you to have the second kid, and then abuse you if for instance they feel you are not parenting well. So. DO NOT GIVE IN. Believe me it is never going to stop if that’s the way things first began. At whatever age you find love, go for it. Don’t be boxed into a corner. You will end up living in more misery than you previously thought you were living in. In my opinion, most people who are pressured into marriage because of age end up marrying some fellow that may actually be a good person, but not necessarily the best for them.
As for newly wed couples, first of all, maybe hopefully we can eliminate the pressure they get from friends, since the one from older folks might take slightly longer to go away. If you are fond of doing this you need to stop. You have NO RIGHT, after your friend’s wedding to say random stuff like so when will you drop the first one, hmmmm, do I see a tiny baby bump? hurry up o, one year don pass o..and bla bla bla, all in the name of jokingly or seriously trying to find out if they have conceived. Is it your business? You don’t know for sure if the couple are actually trying to have a baby and there’s a slight delay. So added to possible pressure from parents and in laws, you pile yours, knowingly or unknowingly. And you are supposed to be a friend…
As I said earlier, poke nosing never stops. If you have a baby within 9 months, they will still gossip about chances that you were pregnant just before marriage, so again, NEVER GIVE IN.
If they are pregnant and you are their friend, they will tell you. And if they don’t, please move on. No matter how you try, you can’t hide pregnancy. At some point it will show. So wait. If you want to rock a baby so badly, go and have yours. Or go to a motherless babies home and volunteer your services.
Except people specifically come to you, worried about not being able to conceive, don’t pressure them in any form. For sanity sometimes, couples cut ties with parents and in laws, which leads into an everlasting family feud. But who can blame them? How can people not understand in this day and age that not being able to conceive is not a disease. God is the giver of children. Why can’t couples be allowed to decide within their marriage when they are ready to start having kids? Why must it be said on the wedding day that “in 9 months time we will come and rejoice with you again?” Do you know what plans they both have, or are you just looking for an excuse to come and chop rice again?
I know educated people who say not having kids within the first year of marriage is a bad sign, and I honestly just laugh. Believe me, it is foolishness, and they obviously don’t know it. So I guess I will keep praying that the scales fall from their eyes, and that their eyes be open.