I have found that one of the things that irks me the most is people who eat too much. I don’t often talk about it because compared to other things that upset people like stealing or lying, eating too much sounds rather unserious and insignificant, so I find myself asking if it is really that big of a deal, because I know food is important right? But by God, for me, it is.
Many times, I have tried to be sensitive, to be a little less dramatic in my approach especially because not many people see it as a legitimate enough reason to be groused in anyway, mostly if the person is a dear one. But I think that if people are allowed to talk about how someone else’s behaviour like lying affects them, I should be allowed to write about how people eating too much affects me too. So here goes, I literally cannot stand people who eat too much. I change positions if I have to because it genuinely gets to me.

And no I am not talking about the occasional stuffing we indulge in during festivities and holidays. I’m referring to everyday eating like there’s no tomorrow, eating like we are scared we’ll never see food again or eating because “it is available.”
There is the picture of a woman in my head who I vividly remember eating so much with both hands, making slurpy and sucking sounds, explaining to me her love for what she was eating and justifying why she was eating that much, as I sat there, completely irritated and galled. It was ugly and it makes me cringe, everytime.

When I was growing up, I remember my brother would say to me whenever I served food to guests that “do you think every one eats like you?”
I usually would put a portion and think it was enough or hope that if the person really really genuinely wanted more, he or she would ask.
Basically, except I’m hungry, I don’t eat. And when I’m full I don’t eat more. Ok don’t count puff puff because I’m never full when it comes to puff puff. It’s a big weakness. I don’t even understand why they serve only two pieces at Naija parties. Ahn Ahn please keep your puff puff instead of serving us 2 pieces like peasants.

Anyway, many people think my approach is a slimming down/weight watch strategy, but it is not, never has. You can argue that it’s not the best way to proper nutrition, but I eat three meals a day, at least I try when I’m not rushing out or busy. I even snack in between but what I do not do is finish food for someone so that it doesn’t waste — after eating mine. I do not cook extra because “somebody may come then end up eating it because no one came.” Besides, if you are coming to my house you better call me. I do not also eat because “it will spoil soon.” If you buy what you need, you’ll eat them in good time. This is why all that eating from other people’s food that I see people do in office settings because it smells delicious is a big sign of indiscipline to me. Especially after eating yours.
Eating two indomie “hungry man size” and two eggs, because you didn’t eat all day does not in anyway cover for the lost meals. It doesn’t spread out in your stomach. I don’t even know why that size exists to be honest.

I have a 1year+ child, and in as much as I appreciate all the well meaning take biscuit, take cracker offers that people around her make, there is no eating any cracker outside meal times.

For whoever you are or whatever your status in life is, you shouldn’t eat 6 pieces of meat or fish and be ok with it no matter how tasty. No, it’s not ok, it’s not a sign of wealth, it is greed, especially if the meat or fish is with an accompanying meal. You shouldn’t even eat three left to me but…

Buffet style dining is usually an opportunity for people to show their home training or lack of it. See, you can eat well, infact at a buffet, please eat well, eat to your satisfaction but for heaven’s sake don’t eat egusi and jollof rice just because you haven’t tasted egusi in a long time and this is your only chance. Don’t pile your plate because it’s an all you can eat party. Go back for more when necessary, but if you are full, please stop. It’s not a competition. When you have to undo your button or zipper, I think you are way out of line already, unfortunately it is at this point I see people going for a fresh round of spicy chicken wings and beer. Why?

There was this man I saw once who had jollof rice, fried rice, plantain, chicken sauce, fish sauce, efo riro, a portion of potato wedges, stir fry, coleslaw, and was still trying to fit in spring rolls and samosas somewhere on his plate. There was no more space on the plate at this point, so he got another and put virtually every other thing there was on the buffet table. I had to turn my seat to back him so that I could concentrate. It was two bothersome pyramids before him, I couldn’t deal.

I’m not even going to mention how eating too much is unhealthy so people don’t think it is merely an important point to wrap up this post or that I’m stylishly championing a fit fam cause which in any case you should consider because calories don’t shed themselves now, do they? Truth is, even if your meals are healthy, as long as you eat too much, you my friend are a greedy human, and greed thankfully I think we can all agree is such bad behaviour.