It takes the presence of a foolish spouse in a marriage for things to go really bad. When the two people in a marriage are foolish however, a disaster is in the works
Where you see anything working, it is wisdom that drives it, in like manner, where things are not working, foolishness is the driving force. In the marriage setting there are foolish things that you observe which when not properly addressed can consequently make it go south.
I’ll highlight a few marks of foolishness- Pride, an over-bloated estimation of one’s self. It is when you have an inflated sense of your worth, your accomplishment, what you own, the things you do or where you work, and you maintain this high horse attitude. You talk to people how you like, you talk to your spouse from this high horse you insist on ruling from because he or she didn’t graduate from a prestigious school as you did. Perhaps you went to Harvard, she didn’t and you allow that “achievement” fuel disregard. If you have this kind of attitude, you are a foolish person.
Anger, that emotion you show when someone does something that you do not like. Now whether they did it to you knowingly or unknowingly is another case entirely but in marriage, you interact with a lot of people – your spouse, your children, domestic help, siblings and other relatives who come to live with you from time to time; and conflicts not arising would be nearly impossible in such setting. When people do things that are unpleasant to you from time to time, it is important you don’t react to them in an unpleasant way. You don’t have to go with the saying that “Every action demands an equal opposite reaction”. Where a spouse operates that kind of template, things can go wrong. When a spouse does something to you and you relate back with same venom, there is no way the marriage won’t be toxic. If someone does something to you that you feel is wrong, it is essential to take time to process the issue instead of reacting. People that have anger management problems don’t have the capacity to process things. They react spontenously, they deploy a fire for fire tactic forgetting that fire can burn down completely.
Another way to identify a foolish spouse is their disrespect for people. They belittle people, they put people down. Perhaps you have more money than your spouse or you are the one paying the bills. If you do not spend money on your family, who exactly would you spend on? You don’t look down on people or treat people with disdain because of an advantage that you have. One of the ways people belittle people is the way they talk to them. I have seen husbands talk to their wives like they are the help, and wives who look at their husband like they are worthless. This is horrible on all levels. You do not relate to people with an attitude of arrogance and disdain. Only a fool does this, and such presence in a marriage can cause more havoc than imagined.
If you are stingy you are foolish. Personally I think this is one of the craziest. I have said many times that a stingy person has no business being married. If you want everything for yourself, please stay single. A stingy person doesn’t want to spend money on themselves on other people. They don’t want to spend money on their family. This is particularly a trait common to men. What are you working for? You are seen often at beer hangout or a “point and kill” garden but you won’t take care of your family? Only a fool won’t provide for his family. You can’t live a good life while your family suffers, your happiness will be short lived, and this isn’t a curse. As long as you are unhappy, it’s easy for everything about your marriage to come spiralling down. Its like treating a broken arm and leaving the broken leg to sort itself. You will still suffer.
Stubbornness— A stubborn person is typically unyielding and unreasonable. They want to win all the time. Even when they are wrong and aware of this, they want you to apologize. They are usually unteachable. Strong headed like we call them in Nigeria, Coconut head is what we call them where I come from. It means that you have nothing of substance up there in your head to help you apply reasoning. There are times that you just have to back down, whether right or wrong. Being headstrong and unshifting will only bring with it a bigger hurricane that will sweep your marriage away.
Being quarrelsome– I have never understood quarrelsome people. Where do they get the energy to pick up an argument all the time? Quarrelsome people are often very sensitive, very touchy and they are usually very verbally abusive. You say something to them and they come charging at you. They are combative and very contentious, can fight anywhere, have absolutely no decorum. They can fight on the street; they can fight in the market place: they can fight in church, they can scatter a party. They have no regard for themselves or anyone. If you are married to a person like this, you’re married to a fool. If you are the one who is like this, then you are the fool. Seek counsel today.
While marriage is vulnerable because it involves people, and there’s always bound to be conflict; big or small between people, it can work. A lot happens around to weaken this godly institution but it can work. We must ensure that wisdom is applied in matters concerning our homes. Foolishness as has been established is the bane of many unsuccessful marriages. If your spouse is foolish, then you have to have wisdom for two or get them to embrace wisdom. Foolishness affects a person’s sense of reasoning. A foolish spouse is too blind to see reason and too deaf to hear the fire alarm. This is why it is important to the know the sort of person you are getting married too. Do everything to be the force of wisdom in your marriage.
Sunday Ogidigbo is the lead Pastor at Holyhill Church Abuja. He is married with three beautiful daughters. He tweets @SOgidigbo