THE SAKA DIARIES 2; (LEKKI LIFE…)

Incase you missed the first part of this series, you can read it here
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… Back in Naija, I paid about a million in rent for a not-so-great-looking apartment. Actually let me rephrase that “we” paid about a million per year, because I was semi -squatting  with my friend and his brother, and eventually they asked me to move in as a full time house mate (you know how we Naija people do; someone helps you out for a short while, overtime, you move in and leave during the weekends, afterwards, you bring in your own couch.) Yea, like that.
I had no idea what my apartment looked like, and I wasn’t expecting much, as I was paying half of what I pay back home… We drove into the apartment complex and I was amazed. I felt like I was driving into one of the Lekki Estates you pay through your noses for. It was a well planned, nicely-built apartment complex. Generators were not lined up on the front lawn, and there was a pool, lawn tennis, basket ball court and gym. Gymmmmmm. ok now.  In my head, for no particular reason, I heard the tune of Gangster Paradise. The apartment looked all pretty and shiny. I thought to myself, this is the life…
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My housemate and I were supposed to toss a coin to decide who picked the bigger room with the walk in closet. I looked at my backpack and half empty box and figured I really had no use for a walk-in-closet, so I graciously offered him the room. Also since he did all the leg work in getting the apartment, I thought it was right. I know, I am nice like that. After such a journey, I needed to take a leak, so I walk into the rest room and then… “hey, dude, I think the toilet is blocked” he jogs into the rest room in a hurry to see whats wrong. There I am, holding captain winky :p in one hand and looking distressed because I really need to go. I point to the toilet bowl, half filled with water; I think its blocked. He smiles… and flushes the toilet. You see, he says, the toilet sucks all the water out and some swirls in from the tank above. Aha, I say, not in the least embarrassed. I have come to accept the fact that I am a true bush Naija boy who has never been to the “overs”. I shake my head, to think that I once laughed at Osuofia in London. I am wondering at this point what my flat mate thinks of me.
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After unpacking what’s left of my luggage, we headed to school to pick up my welcome packet from graduate school. Once again, I was amazed, I definitely could handle going to school here, it was beautiful. Forget  OAU or UI, I chuckled to myself. The sun felt brighter to me than Naija sun, and so I saw my chances of getting fresher melt away. I mean people always came back with stories about how there’s no sun in America o, that’s why they had fresh skin. Well, there was sun, a whole lot of it.
The football team was going for a swim in the lake, and they walked past me. Instinctively, I sucked my belle. These boys were rippling with muscles with washboard flat abs, looking fit and eye candy isn for the ladies. I felt my breast… yes I said breast, it suddenly felt like my chest was protruding. My tummy too. Sigh. So I did that square shoulder, chest out, don’t care routine, but I only felt my tummy attaining more glory. At this point, I just put on my RayBans and tinted the world, they seemed to be the only sense of pride I had left, making a mental note to hit the gym in my apartment  with vengeance… WHEEEE I had a gym. I didn’t even have to cough out #25,000 for gym membership. Not like I ever paid one before. God knows I’d have loved too beht…
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On the way to school, something kept scratching the back door of my mind, trying to worm its way in, but I was too carried away by all the sights and sounds and smells, and as we drove, it all came to me; there were no sidewalks, it was all high way from my apartment to school. No public transport, no body walking on the roads. I knew I was in trouble, big trouble. And then I had a aha moment. Simple, I’ll just buy a bicycle. It would help me work out and get fit. See, my parents back home ate amala and fufu for dinner, and dinner was from 10pm onward, after prayer meeting (which I used work as an excuse to run from), so you understand my proud breasts and belle. So I came to America flush with cash, ready to spend … on my bicycle, bless good old Walmart. I bought one for $100, after contemplating all the variety, keeping clear of the ones that priced at $200 and up. I was too excited. I had wanted a bike since SS1 but no one got me one, and so I got my wish. I got a boarding school size bed too known as twin sized mattress here. I got that from a place down town where donated house equipment were sold to raise money of people who needed homes. I cannot mention the price I got the bed and the bed box I got because with that sort of price, I was sure I was gonna catch lice and bed bugs  from it.. The plan was to spray it all with a disinfectant, but today, that still remains a plan. I was shocked at what it looked like…
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7 Comments Add yours

  1. deola says:

    Ahhhhn now!How can you stop there?….makes me feel like a part of the story*smiles*

  2. deola says:

    Ehen….I’d like to know how your girlfriend is doing too

  3. bharyour says:

    Let’s call her “Demanding Deola. Chairlady of the Saka Dairies association :D”

    1. Deola says:

      I didn’t know I was chairlady here already😄 and I have a nick name too! Lorl

  4. @MielP says:

    Saka naa?! Ooooohhh what kinda suspense is this? Its people like you that force us to buy pirated movies and books.
    I’m sure my newspaper vendor, Sir K has the complete season of “The Saka Diaries” sef…

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