…Dear Diary, I NEED HELP. HELLLLPPPPP
I’m stealing some moments from work to make this entry ‘cos truth be told, I can’t seem to concentrate on my work. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my work and I don’t shirk my responsibilities. I’m not lazing around thinking of Kubi. No. That’s not the picture.
It’s just the fact that he’s beside me. Yeah. We sit side by side. Did I have anything to do with that? Well, kinda but not totally.
So, I sit beside him every day. We gist, laugh, share food – boli (roast plantain) and groundnuts – and through it all, I ask myself, does he have any idea about the wanderings of my mind?
I really don’t want to have this intense a myriad of emotions. Not in the first month of resumption when I’m supposed to be focusing on the trainings and assimilation process.
I don’t want to consider him when I pick my outfit for work. I don’t want to steal glances at him 50 times in one minute. I definitely don’t want to feel like I’ve been punched in the gut when he’s talking to another female. I seriously, want to stop glancing at the door to see him come in at resumption time. I don’t want all the funny feelings that arise when he looks at me. I’ve got it bad. I know. 🙂
Basically, I don’t want to find myself falling in love with Kubi. I don’t want to feel pained when he does things he’s supposed to do (he isn’t mine after all). I don’t want to think of him during the day and smile those silly smiles that only I can understand. I should use the time for more productive things. Don’t you agree?
Zara tells me not to worry. She says it won’t last – that the novelty will wear off soon. She is particularly interested in making sure that Kubi doesn’t find out about the extent of my feeling.
What do I do? My heart seems to be on a ride on the Ferris wheel. I hear telling him will make everything go away. I’m seriously out of options. Please tell me what you think I should do. Thank you sooo much in advance. I’ll be waiting…