The entire love month of February we read tales from Todi who sent in details of her crush at work twice every week, and today is the last episode. Awwww. Thank you Todi for sharing your story and thank you readers for reading and not judging her. LOL. Catch up on previous Episodes here, and enjoy the final bit below.
For the past 4weeks, I’ve been writing, pouring, hoping, sharing my heart out with you dear people about the non-existent yet present love (like) line between Kubi and I.
Today’s the last.
My new view on the crush matter is – it will be okay. It is getting okay already. Kubi knows all there is to know about the extent of my feelings. Plus the intensity has goooooone down in the past weeks and it’s no longer as crazy as it used to be.
We had a discussion yesterday. Kubi asked if I knew anyone who had a problem (he wants to start a blog of some sort). I said no. Then, I said I did have one but it’s been resolved.
He gave me a funny look which I returned. I later learnt of the effort he put into “helping me get better” i.e lose the intensity of the liking. He cut down on the Kubi scent! Imagine that! Now, that I think about it, I realize that I did start to get better when the “kubi scent” went down. Yes oooo. Get better- I obviously was kinda ill. LOL. Don’t you think so? Or what do you call a situation in which a person can’t concentrate, feels weak in the knees, experiences butterflies in the tummy? I call it the Kubi – syndrome. 😀
Anyway, Kubi and I have become better friends lately. It could be just as Zara says or he’s just being friendly. Whatever the case is, this “friendly” situation is what has helped me calm down mentally. Since we sit together, there is a natural tendency to gist and share jokes plus we are being given more work to do together.
It is up to me to manage my feelings (because I don’t think they’ll ever go away completely) to the best of my ability. That is my responsibility, my mantle, my cross to bear. There can be no room for office silliness or awkwardness. After all, I wasn’t employed because of him.
Something happened yesterday that rattled my now comfortable zone. I tried to tap him in order to draw his attention to a part of the work we were both assigned to. He, jokingly (or seriously), deflected it. Needless to say, I took it to heart. I was angry at myself for being burnt. This is because I noticed that subconsciously I found ways to make body contact with Kubi. A playful jab here, a punch there – all in a bid to touch him (I’ve got it bad, I know).
At that moment, I switched off. I became totally cool. Being the perceptive guy that he is, he noticed the sudden drop in temperature. He asked what happened. I said it was nothing (like all ladies say). He kept asking but I didn’t want to spill and then, he said he knew what caused it. That caught my attention. I said to myself. “He can’t possibly know”. Of course, I tried to find out what he knew. While we were going back and forth (instead of focusing on the work) a senior manager asked what we were both intently discussing. We said it was the assignment. She said one person was enough to work on it (me) and Kubi was given something else to do. The conversation ended at that point but I know it would be continued.
Later in the evening, while we were working late i.e myself, Kubi and Zara, we listened to serenading music from Kubi’s MacBook. We worked while we swayed to the gentle strains of Michael Buble. He loves classical music. Deep sighs….. Zara left us in the office to go home. I was still working on a document. So, Kubi waited for me because it was late and he would have to drop me at the usual stop. I was taking a while so he asked me to postpone the work till tomorrow. I said no. He made a move to shut down my laptop. During the mild scuffle, Kubi planted, so deftly, a kiss near my lips. Of course the scuffle stopped at that point. I smiled and stepped away. He said something funny (which I can’t remember right now) to diffuse the atmosphere. I laughed lightly, packed my bag and we headed for the parking lot. All the way to the stop, we didn’t say anything. I just kept replaying the scene in my head. At my stop, I got down and said thank you.
I can’t say for sure if, how or when this drama will end but I’m okay. I have to be. I look forward to a future post in which I will give you all update on the state of things. However, I will focus on work now while balancing office politics and my hidden “like” for Kubi.
As I take my proverbial bow, I say thank you for reading, for commenting, for feeling with me. I’m thankful.
Like a friend says, it will be alright in the end, if it isn’t alright, then it’s not the end.
Thankful et At peace Todi