By the close of work on Tuesday, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. So, I called Zara and told her I really needed to speak with her. During lunch at the cafeteria, I bore my heart to my now close friend. I told her everything! My feelings, thoughts, imaginations – everything. We both share the same faith, so I knew I could count on her for solid advice. I showed her the tales I’d written and she was quiet for a moment. She, apparently, did not know it was this intense.
After what seemed like forever, she spoke. She asked if I wanted to tell Kubi that I had a huge, major crush on him and I said I wasn’t sure. I momentarily pondered the possibility of Kubi being aware already. For a while we contemplated and she said, “naah. He doesn’t know”.
Zara doesn’t think it’s a wise decision to tell him. She doesn’t see the path ending well and with good reasons. I asked her for her ‘strong’ reasons and she listed them out:
1. We work together.
2. He might use the feelings against me.
3. It’s a phase. Will soon pass.
Plus some other importants reasons.
We concluded it wouldn’t be wise. Wonderful conclusion, right? Right! However, what’s the use of a conclusion if its not adhered to.
Yeah. You heard me. Not adhered to.
On wednesday, all the MTs worked late into the evening. We had assignments from a training session to turn in. Our only time for the assignments was in the evening. So, we ended up staying 3 hours after 5pm. Steve and Olu left to go home which left Zara, Kubi and I in the office.
At around 9pm, we decided to leave for our houses. Zara stays about 20 minutes away, Kubi about 5 minutes away and I, 40 – 45 minutes away. On this fateful night, Kubi agreed to drop me at a point that would make my trip home easier.
Anyway, we said our goodbyes and I entered Kubi’s car. Zara was skeptical about it but we both knew that it was late, and getting dropped off at a safer and easier location to get a cab was bliss. Those who use public transport in Lagos know this.
In the car, we gisted about work and all the cool places around the office area. All the hot spots and places to hang out. As we went progressed, Kubi asked what Zara and I were always whispering and giggling about.
I asked him what he thought we were taking about. Apparently, he had no idea and here I was worrying myself silly. He said he didn’t know. I decided there and then to take the kids’ gloves off. I just wanted the intense feelings go away. Please get me right. I’m not particularly interested in making a commitment to Kubi. My mind wanderings hadn’t gone that far. Ok well, sometimes. I don’t know him well enough to make such a gigantic decision. I just know I like him disturbingly a lot and it gets in the way of my work. I will confess that at first I enjoyed the feelings. However, it “aint funny no more”. I “wanna” go back to “just being friends” feeling even if I haven’t felt it for Kubi before.
So, I went the path less travelled. I told Kubi we were talking about him. U should have been there to see the confused look on his face. It was a priceless look. “Me?”, he said. “Yes”, I replied with a very huge laughing smile on my face.
He asked in his calm clean voice what he did wrong. I told him it was actually because of the things he was doing too right. There was another look of confusion. I however smiled on. At this point, I knew the beans would be spilled. I wasn’t sure of the outcome but I was ready to get the load off my chest. So, I told Kubi.
I told him about the first day and all the drama. I have no problems with self-expression. Hence, it was a smooth ride through the “outpouring” of my mind.
I didn’t profess any undying love for him. I just said how I felt.
When I was done, I looked at him to get his reply. For some moments, he didn’t say anything. I guess he was trying to concentrate on his driving which I didn’t quite get because we had a red traffic light in front of us.
After what seemed like eternity, Kubi spoke. He said, “like everything, it will fade and if it doesn’t, he knows what to do to make it go away”. He had a knowing smile that said this wasn’t his first time.
I was really looking forward to a time when everything will be normal. There and then, a mixture of sadness and a very teeny weeny bit of relief passed through my heart. I felt a little silly, a little angry and a little errm well cold. Maybe that was because of the air conditioning,… or not. I went really quiet and so did he.
I got down at my stop feeling really heavy with emotions and pondering some serious ponderings, all the while, telling myself ”it’ll look better in the morning” and I really hope it does.
Happy Valentine’s day. Talk to you on Monday.
p.s thank you for the comments.