Catch up on previous Episodes here
The day after
It’s 7:58am on Thursday morning and I’m nervous. The door will swing open and Kubi will walk in. A thousand thoughts and questions are flying through my mind simultaneously. What will he say? Will our “gisting” pattern change? Will it be awkward? Will he play on my weakness for him?
Needless to say, I’m worried and excited at the same time. 8:00am and he still isn’t here! Has he asked for a change of office? “It can’t be that bad nah”. I tell myself.
At 8:02 am, Kubi walked in painstakingly dressed as usual. Almost immediately, my eyes became glued to my computer screen. I was trying so hard not to look at him. Someone coming in would not believe I spent the past 5 minutes glancing at the door. True to the unofficial norm, he went round saying hi. Meanwhile, I was really busy trying to be busy. So, I did not see Kubi come to my table. I only saw a shadow across the screen I was intently focusing on. I looked up and it was Zara.
Zara had called last night to find out what time Kubi dropped me off. She wasn’t particularly pleased to find out that it took longer than normal to get to my agreed stop. She didn’t say much on the phone. So, I’m guessing that’s what she was at my table for. I could see the questions in her eyes. I couldn’t answer them at that time. So, I whispered, “Lunch time”. Her almost unseen nod showed her agreement.
At the point where Kubi wanted to say hi, Zara and I were having our silent discussion. So, he went to his seat which is beside mine, by the way.
As he sat down, I glanced briefly at him, our eyes met for just a second and we both smiled. At that point, I knew I was okay. Unconsciously, I let out a deep sigh as though I had held my breath for too long. We had not spoken yet but I knew my “spills” were safe with him.
“Now, I can concentrate on my work!” whew!
Zara physically dragged me to the cafeteria at lunch time despite my feeble attempts to explain my just-disappeared hunger. In the cafeteria, Zara looked at me with her questioning eyes which said, “download!”
I narrated the whole event from start to finish, not leaving any detail out. You see, I trust Zara to give the truth even when it hurts. She has this uncanny ability to understand both sides of a story, even when the second side isn’t there, and give balanced advice. So, you agree with me that there’s no point editing the event and hiding some parts from the only person who could help me.
All she asked was, “are you serious?” I pointed out that it was not a joking matter (matters of the heart hardly ever are). She said she was going to have a talk with him on the whole matter. I insisted otherwise. I told her that we should, instead, watch and see how it would go and that even if I was feeling like I had been punched in my gut (a little bit), I would be fine. I had to be.
Back in the office, I decided to write out my thought and feelings in my diary. At which point, Kubi asked me what I was doing. I told him the truth. I said I was pouring my feelings into my diary. He then asked, “what about?” I said, without blinking, “You”. I’m way past pretence nah. Apparently, he had no idea how intense the issue was or thought I was joking last night because you should have seen the unbelieving look on his face. From the look on my face, he could tell I was serious. Speechless, he was at that moment. He did speak eventually. What he said was painful to my heart. He said he knew how easy it was for people to get attracted to him but the attractions never lasted. According to him, he didn’t have what it took to maintain the amazing first impressions he made on people. So, he was very sure that my feeling for him would fade. I rolled my eyes at his statement and we both smile-laughed.
At the close of work, as Zara and I walked out of the office, I felt a bit better than in the morning. I thought about the days’ events and smiled to myself. I could sense an end in sight or so I thought.